You know how there are those moments that creep up on you, and in hindsight, it was a pivotal point of your life? Well, I had one of those the other day. Of all things to be given inspiration and guidance by it was the last thing that I would have suspected.
Having spent a significant portion of my life and bank balance on self-improvement books, courses, seminars, webinars, consultations, affirmations, applications, hallucinations… Plus, with every manifestor and coach on the planet, well, planet Instagram and Facebook, telling me how I’m going wrong, it was only until I tried a new deodorant did life make more sense!
I’ve been struggling for a while to balance out that holy grail of spiritual oneness and zen like state of “just BE – just be ME” with the, “Oh God I really can’t cope with x, y, z in my life, I must have failed at being zen and in my heart!”. How do you stay 100% kind and loving, yet, not be a doormat to those that aren’t in that state? How do you live your life like an enlightened Earth mother or warrior, or whatever cool, hippy name you want, when you can’t stop yourself reverting back into old patterns of behaviour as soon as someone or something that you don’t like comes your way?
I’ve always thought and passed onto others, that there are three options in life. Three is a very symbolic magic number in most, if not all, ancient and spiritual/religious cultures around the world. It makes sense to always have three options.
1) Alter the thing, person, situation etc that’s upsetting you,
2) Alter yourself so that you don’t react in the way that you no longer want to react with regards the thing, person, situation etc,
3) If 1 and 2 don’t work, then remove yourselffrom the thing, person, situation etc.
“Simples”, to quote a phenomenally corporate but nice mongoose.
Except for me, it’s not, or it wasn’t “simples” until the other morning. I should be able to be me, and calm, and happy and heart-centred, despite all that’s going on around me. With age I have learned to manage myself better when in the company of people I don’t like, or in places that are negatively overwhelming. A certain shopping centre that used to be the largest in Europe springs to mind here! However, given the choice, I’d rather stay in places that keep me happy and relaxed. Who wouldn’t want that? Why do I have this guilt?
So, the other morning, I had a shower…reached for my lovely new, hopefully toxin free deodorant and Bam it hit me!! Fussy!! Yes! I am fussy and it’s ok to be fussy! This sounds really ridiculous, (and if you’re still reading – thank you), but my deodorant pointed out the obvious to me that I am fussy and it’s ok to be fussy! It’s what the small intestine in Chinese medicine terms does all the time! It sorts the pure from the unpure, the clear from the turbid. Heck, if my small intestine is fussy and does this quite happily, and in fact is only happy when it is busily sorting away, then why can’t I as a whole be more like that?
I’m chuckling as I write this now. Hopefully all of you have sussed this point…or even have far more fulfilled lives than me, and have never needed to ponder this dilemma for yourself.
There are graduations of fussiness. I would never stay in a situation that kept me in physical danger, yet somehow, I feel under pressure to visit a certain shopping centre. Relatively speaking, the former seems sensible to avoid and is an acceptable level of fussiness. The latter example, just means me being unnecessarily fussy. Everyone goes to this shopping centre and enjoys it, right? Right? Well probably not judging by the nickname given by locals.
So now, I have promised myself that I am allowed to be fussy about all things that I want to be, irrespective of other people’s own relative “fussiness scale”. I’m sensitive, I’m an empath, undiagnosed autistic, dyslexic…yawn with the labels…all round lovely, cheerful, fusspot! There I’ve outed myself. Somewhat weird in that coming out to myself about being fussy in life was harder than first telling others years ago I had a girlfriend.
Life itself is all connected, but it is also differentiated. It’s about balance and like the many teachings within Chinese Medicine, this balance is always in a state of flux. As soon as it is fixed, stuck, then qi stops flowing, dis-ease appears. Maybe that’s why sometimes we get on great with some people then later on we can’t, or vice versa. Everything is finding its own balance and way of getting on in life…including us.
Good lesson to me, who traditionally has been in a fear state and needing control over every minutia in life. Things change! Hopefully for the better too.
So, I may well change my mind on this one in the future. I may even ramp up my fussiness scale and truly go mad and live on my own aged 90 in the woods with a dozen English Setters. Who knows? Or horror of horrors to me as I write this, I may well live in a community and share food off my plate!! At this moment of time even tapas with friends is a step too far.
A friend was struggling the other day, judging by their latest TikTok video, (yes, I’m now down with the cool kids). My reply to them was that I’ve come to realise one needs to be FUSSY and SELFISH in life so that the magical love and light from your soul spreads easily to the world. Cool, eh? And it’s true. As we are meant to do on a plane…put the mask on first, THEN go to help others.
The second huge lesson to me is that what we need to do, and how we need to live life, really is right under our very nose; or in this case armpits!
Love and Light everyone,
Emma
xXx
* Fussy Deodorant – I was kindly given an offer for my friends to get 50% off their first order. I thought you might like it. This is on me, plus I get a reward too. https://fussy.mention-me.com/m/wa/el7hs-emma-rose-roberts